Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
