pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
