there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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