WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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