I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
last night I used snow as a chaser
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
