Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
