I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
