I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize