I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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