you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
