Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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