Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
