and you said cock pushups were impossible
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
