I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
