then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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