did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
