i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
