I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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