I want to stick my p in your. b.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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