don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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