So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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