woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
