Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
