worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
