Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
