my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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