party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The air was thick with penises
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
