Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
