He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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