He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
