don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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