This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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