you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
