HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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