I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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