We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
why is half of my head shaved?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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