i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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