did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We are all done wearing pants today
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
