I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
