i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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