Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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