My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
