i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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