So drunk its hurt
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
