Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
