we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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