its not stalking. its research.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
this is an emotional support booty call
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
