Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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