Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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