Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
