Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
