my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
