weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
