i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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