I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can I color on your dick again?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
