cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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