If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
