Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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