Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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