No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
