i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
