we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize