Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
