I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
