stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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