that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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