No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
