I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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