also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize