Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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