just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
