You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
