drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
