I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
