I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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